The following are gifts that might be on a producer's wish list for the holiday season. Some gifts may raise an eyebrow in an attempt at humor, while others may come from the heart.
The Rush: The smell of the cab of a new tractor, combine or pickup with air-cushioned seats, FM radio and satellite TV, along with a six-pack of caffeine-laden Mountain Dew provided by your agri-lender.
Share The Wealth: Getting your parents and grandparents to share the books and financials with you and your spouse before you are of age to collect Social Security.
Mind Reader Wanted: Hiring a mind reader to see what's in parents' or grandparents' estate plan. In it they say you will be taken care of and everything will be fine.
A Real Voice: Being able to talk to a human being when you have a major equipment breakdown and the parts are needed yesterday.
Reduced Paperwork: Filling out a simplified tax form including all of your favorite farm deductions without requiring three letters behind your name — CPA.
Coffee Shop Farm: Collecting the windfall profits on the imaginary farm that takes all the advice overheard by the local coffee shop experts.
The Sabbatical: A wish that you could take a one-year sabbatical away from the farm like university professors do, and come back to find that everyone really missed you.
All In The Family: Be a daughter- or son-in-law and go to a family business meeting where your input is actually listened to and acted upon.
Money-Saver And Profit-Maker: Being able to save all the money that sales representatives guarantee by using their products and services that they promise will add to the bottom line.
So You Want To Be A Millionaire: Start farming at age 28 with $10,000. Seven years later you make $3.5 million in profits in six months of operation — with a legal crop. That's a true story from the Road Warrior.
The Business Killer Toy: Have such a good year farming you are able to go to a Richard Petty Driving School and drive the car you totally sponsored with your profits.
Some Good Old Conversation: Research on the accounting of the millions of dollars lost by farmers and ranchers who pay high-priced lawyer fees for family estate planning where people refuse to communicate.
Too Wired: Have a life without a cell phone, iPod, laptop, BlackBerry or e-mail for 52 weeks a year. Let's think about why we celebrate the holidays.
(Dave Kohl is Economic Trends editor for The Corn And Soybean Digest.)