The following are gifts that might be on a producer's wish list for the holiday season. Some gifts may raise an eyebrow in an attempt at humor, while others may come from the heart.
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The Rush: The smell of the cab of a new tractor, combine or pickup with air-cushioned seats, FM radio and satellite TV, along with a six-pack of caffeine-laden Mountain Dew provided by your agri-lender.
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Share The Wealth: Getting your parents and grandparents to share the books and financials with you and your spouse before you are of age to collect Social Security.
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Mind Reader Wanted: Hiring a mind reader to see what's in parents' or grandparents' estate plan. In it they say you will be taken care of and everything will be fine.
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A Real Voice: Being able to talk to a human being when you have a major equipment breakdown and the parts are needed yesterday.
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Reduced Paperwork: Filling out a simplified tax form including all of your favorite farm deductions without requiring three letters behind your name — CPA.
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Coffee Shop Farm: Collecting the windfall profits on the imaginary farm that takes all the advice overheard by the local coffee shop experts.
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The Sabbatical: A wish that you could take a one-year sabbatical away from the farm like university professors do, and come back to find that everyone really missed you.
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All In The Family: Be a daughter- or son-in-law and go to a family business meeting where your input is actually listened to and acted upon.
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Money-Saver And Profit-Maker: Being able to save all the money that sales representatives guarantee by using their products and services that they promise will add to the bottom line.
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So You Want To Be A Millionaire: Start farming at age 28 with $10,000. Seven years later you make $3.5 million in profits in six months of operation — with a legal crop. That's a true story from the Road Warrior.
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The Business Killer Toy: Have such a good year farming you are able to go to a Richard Petty Driving School and drive the car you totally sponsored with your profits.
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Some Good Old Conversation: Research on the accounting of the millions of dollars lost by farmers and ranchers who pay high-priced lawyer fees for family estate planning where people refuse to communicate.
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Too Wired: Have a life without a cell phone, iPod, laptop, BlackBerry or e-mail for 52 weeks a year. Let's think about why we celebrate the holidays.
(Dave Kohl is Economic Trends editor for The Corn And Soybean Digest.)
